The accident didn't even seem that big, at the time. I was on my way home from working hard on my online course. It was a road I drive every single day. I was going below the speed limit! I wasn't on my phone. Rusty wasn't in the car, so I wasn't looking at him. I was just driving. I looked to the side for a split second, looking at a man and his adorable son walking on the sidewalk. I looked back and with the sun shining, didn't really see the brake lights on the pickup in front of me until it was too late. I slammed on my brakes and at the last second I really thought the car would stop in time...but it didn't. My car rear-ended the pickup truck.
I wasn't even going fast enough for either of us to be hurt. The truck didn't really have much damage, if any. I didn't see any. The bumper maybe had a scratch? My car, howeer? That's a different story. Because the car was so much lower than the truck, the truck's bumper shoved my hood back, radiator and all.
I called hubby and our bodyshop buddy. Body Shop Buddy said that as long as there wasn't green stuff flowing out and the temp stayed the same I should be able to get the car to his shop. Off I went. After driving for about ten minutes, the car started smoking at stoplights, so I pulled over. I was on a random street...alone. I called hubby, who called a tow truck, and I waited. Of course I couldn't have the car on, so it got cold. I looked up to see the sweetest lady. She was wondering if I was okay, and could she perhaps bring me a cup of tea? That tea warmed not only my body, but also my heart.
So, now here we are, days later, and we have learned that the car is a write off. Ugh. I feel upset. I'm mad at myself that it even happened in the first place. I'm thankful, though, that it wasn't worse. I'm glad I wasn't hurt. I'm glad Rusty wasn't with me. I'm glad that we have insurance. I'm glad that I have a husband who is understanding. I'm thankful-as a friend put it-that my car sacrificed itself to keep me safe! I'm just bummed.
I'm not sure why, but for some reason this is affecting me strangely. I feel so sad. Not about the car, but probably more that I was the one that caused this stress. My hubby has stress. He has to find a new car. We are stressed as we wait to hear what the insurance company will pay us. We are stressed as we figure out paperwork. We are stressed as we wait to see how this will affect our overall insurance. I caused all of that stress, with one simple, split-second glance to the side.
In the end, this really isn't a big deal. There are worse things that can happen in life, and we actually heard some news the other day that IS indeed worse. I don't really understand life sometimes, but I do know one thing. I understand that God is in control. I am so thankful that I serve a God that rules over all, and knows exactly why things happen even when I do not. In the middle of trials-whether big or small-it is that which I hold on to. I love my Lord. I am thankful for Him. I am thankful for His sacrifices for me. I am thankful for his son. I am thankful that he is steadfast, pure, holy, righteous. I am thankful that I can trust him in all things. I am thankful that he loves me, even though I definitely don't deserve it.
Psalm 38:9 says, "You know what I long for, Lord; You hear my every sigh." What an amazing thing to think. He does hear everything. Not just the prayers that we cry out to him, but our every sigh, our every breath. There is never a moment that he loses track of us and what is happening in our lives. He is there, always.
It's a small thing, really. Crashing my car was not the end of the world. It's not even that big of a thing. It's an inconvenience, sure, but in the grand scheme of things, we are so blessed. We have two cars. We have a warm house to come home to. We have a beautiful, amazing, funny son that lights up our every day. We have families that love us and support us. We have friends that are closer to us than brothers, and will come and be with us and help us at the drop of a hat. I know all these things. I tell them to myself in my head, and my heart believes it too. I just need to get over my melancholy self. I need to lose the guilt and move on. I guess maybe this all happened just to teach me that very lesson!
So, today, I will go and say goodbye! My car has been good to me. After Rusty's nap today my husband and I will drive to the body shop and clean it out. We will get the many things that have accumulated in the trunk and in the car and say goodbye. Poor thing, she's going to the junk heap. I hope that they can at least salvage some of her parts! Time to move on!




